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Saturday, June 25, 2011

The reasons...

As a young couple I constantly get asked why are you getting married so young? It's not a hard question to answer really, but I have noticed that each time I get asked why my answer is always different. I know, this seems inconsistant and most people think that there is just one right answer, but there isn't.

I'm not the easiest person to talk to, at times I'm emotional, I get stressed, and I'm the first person to admit that I have faults and am far from perfect. The thing is, none of that matters to him. The past week has been very difficult for me, planning a wedding is hard and when you don't have time for yourself the world feels as if it is about to destruct. Crying apparently has been on my to do list everyday this week. By now I don't understand how he still wants to marry me. Between my nagging about calling someone or another, random fits of sadness, and other things of that nature I don't know how he stand me. I feel like I should apply for Bridezillas.

Today, I realized that this is why I'm getting married so young. In a world full of guys who just don't get it, he understands. He understands that when I'm sad it is not the time to joke because I won't take well to it. He knows that I hate my hands being wet so he does the dishes. He realizes that my make up runs when I cry and still calls me beautiful. Here it is courtesy of Skype:

Joshua Lund: i love you so much
Joshua Lund: even when you're sad
Joshua Lund: and upset
Joshua Lund: and especially like that
Joshua Lund: seriously
Joshua Lund: some of the times when you think you're "ugly" are when i find you the most beautiful

While I bawled my eyes out about how much I missed being with him telling him how miserable being apart was for me and makeup ran down my cheeks he wrote this. So people can question as much as they so please, but when you know, you know. It's simple really he understands who I am and appreciates it even when who I am is at its worst.

Marriage is about the vows and commitments you make from the beginning, and so often those things get shoved to the side to make room for more 'important' things to pass by. I have watched too many marriages fail because they lost sight of those small yet significant promises that they made to each other. We both know that the important things in life aren't necessarily the easiest, but in the end it will all be worth it.

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Little Things

They say that life is about the little things. Those small acts of kindness that mean the world to someone. This post is NOT about those types of little things. When it comes to a weddng the little things are what makes your day. It was easy picking our colors, Josh wanted to wear a gray suit instead of a chocolate brown one, so plum, sage, pewter, and cream it was. We needed a venue that was near to the temple, accommodated ring ceremonies, and was outdoors so we picked Millcreek Inn. After trying on 6 dresses I had found "the one" and rings were a piece of cake. So what is left? Everything!

The last few days have been all about the details. Registry cards, directions for guests, labels and putting it all together. With Canada on a mail strike this has become much more difficult than putting them in the mail and sending them of they now must be sent to Montana to be picked up, then hand delivered to family and friends up there.  Nothing with us is ever easy, but they are now finished.

That is not the extent of the details, finding an officiant, choosing types of flowers, fittings for dresses (that's right they don't come in the perfect size), on tope of so many other things. If you guys know me at all, I'm a perfectionist, I think that is one of the flaws that comes along with being an English Major. When it comes to a project, it is all or nothing, and this is supposed to be the most important day of your life right? The pressure is on.

I get really nervous thinking about the possibility of forgetting things. There is really so much that goes into a wedding that you don't even think about. I don't want to be a bride who gets lost in the idea of a wedding and forgets about the marriage.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Beating the Odds

After four days and four nights, he's back in Canada again. Sad, I know, but they were the best four days that I have had in a month. How can that be you ask? I just spent 23 days in Europe, but when you love someone, missing them puts a damper on everything that you do. I missed him like crazy, and to have those four days was just what I needed to put a little pep in my step. It was a crazy weekend full of both business and fun. A day at the pool, a sunset hike, church, some time with my second family, our super cute engagement photos (They will be up here soon) and much driving, but it was all worth it.
Sunday June 12, 2011

We always have the best time together, it doesn't matter what we are doing or where we are as long as we're together we have a good time. Love really is all you need.  When you love someone and you know that you are going to spend the rest of your life (and eternity) with that person that is really what it comes down to. There are going to be times where Josh and I struggle we're young, and new at this, and we know that, but no matter what comes our way we are going to be fine because we have such an immense amount of love in our lives.

I was looking through out engagement proofs and it was amazing to look at the photos, it is the first of many family portraits to come, but these are the pictures that are going to be hanging on the walls of our new home, and the memories that we will have to show our kids some day how we looked at 20 and 22. I'm sure that they will make fun of our hair and clothes, and we will reply "that was the style" just like our parents have when we looked at old photos of them. There is one thing that is undeniable in the pictures where we are looking into each others eyes it that we love each other. After two years of long distance, the idea of forever is an amazing thought. In case anyone was wondering (56 days until we are married) but I'm probably the only one that is counting. It was nice to have him home, to be able to talk to him in person, and hug him.

Saying goodbye was hard and happened all too quickly. I manage to get into the car before breaking down and he got a bloody nose, but we both know that we will se each other in in 31 days (another countdown for everyone to keep track of). The distance is hard, but we both have no doubt that we will make it. We know the odds are against us, we have proved wrong before and will prove them wrong again. I say bring it on.

Here's to the next 31 days of Skype dates, phone calls and emails until I am in Canada to see my soon to be family. It's nice to think that I'm not just getting a husband but another Mom, Dad, sister and brother to bond with. It will be nice to have the chance to spend more time with them. The world is changing for all of us. God's plan is being layed out before me and it is time to take a stroll down and see what it has to offer the both of us.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

One more sleep and a Canadian postal strike.

The title is weird I know, but in one very long day I will be picking Josh up from the Las Vegas McCarran Airport to spend five days with him. Skype dates are no longer cutting it. You would think that after the internet being availble to people for the last fifteen years that they would work out the kinks with built in microphones, but after two weeks of this I know that it is not the case. After hours on end of web cameras conversations with no sound at times, and resorting to typing in the box at the bottom of the screen the day is finally here.

And yes, sometimes we resorted to sign language, small problem, this is the only word that either of us know.

Yes it has been hard, and at times annoying to see someone but not have them there in person. We try as hard as possible to make the bes out of a hard situation but at the same time  with each passing day it gets harder. I'll attend a venue with my maid of honor whom is the biggest help ever, but I can't ask josh about his input. He loves food and there I was sitting without him choosing sliders that I know he would care about way more than I did.

The dress is purchased, the veil is purchased, the rings are purchased. All that is left to do now is finalize everything. It's the little details that make a wedding. The flowers, the favors, the invites etc and to know that I have to decide without him is really hard and I just hope that things come together. 69 days until we are married, that is one day shy of ten weeks, and I feel like there is so many things that are left with loose ends. It is stressful to not have the other half of your wedding there to tell you yes or no on the important things. I know, guys usually don't care right?

These next five days are going to be necessary, jam packed, and will probably fly by too quickly, but all work it in the end. We are used to waiting. We have waited for years for this day to come and as it quickly approaches we know that the wait will be worth it. 200 invitations, a wedding party of 12, 2 rings, and one lovely lace dress later the reality is starting to hit.

We take our engagements on Monday which is one of the pictures that are going on our invitations to find out that the post offices are not sending mail within Canada, go figure. Don't they know that I am trying to have a wedding? I'm not sure how I am going to send invitations to Canada if the mail isn't going anywhere. Just another thing for me to stress about. Josh being here will be a good thing. Five days of no stress, no homework, just much needed relaxation.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Final Count Down

In 9 very long slow days Josh and I will b back together for 4 very quick days but I know both of us really need this right now. On Monday he and I will have been apart for exactly one month and it really is hard. I have tried to find things to do, and trust me there are many of them, but nothing seems as appealing as doing nothing for those four days. Let the single digit count down begin I suppose.

Patience has never been my strong suit, that was his job. The reassuring words that everything will be alright and I love you's seem to be all that is keeping us going each day. He works long days and because I am travling so much this summer I'm not which at times feels lke prison. I'm not one of those people who likes down time, I like being busy, but planning a wedding is not enough. How can that be right? There are so many things to do and only 69 days to go until I do, but all the big things are finished with the exception of my dress. (I suppose that is pretty big).

It feels weird making all of these decisions for one day apart. I know that everyone thinks that guys dont really have an opinion when it comes to a wedding, but that isn't what I'm looking for. I'm looking for someone to reassure me that all of these decisions that we are making are good ones. So much goes into a wedding and at times it feels like we are having to make important decisions that we should be able to discuss on our own.

The four days he is here will be packed with things to do. Engagement photos, finalizing invitations, meetings to get reccommends amongst many other things. I honestly can't wait though, as busy as it may be quailty time is the only thing that has been on my mind lately.

A month away from your best friend is one of the hardest things that could happen after becoming engaged. You would think that after writing letters for a year while he was on his mission that this would be cake, but emails are the most impersonal form of communication. Yes, you get them immediately and all the words are there just as they are written, but the emotion isn't there. Atleast when you are waiting for a letter you can see all of the smears and smudges of hand written words.

Since I have been back in the states we have been able to Skype each night which has been amazing. I feel like I'm in high school again where neither one of us wants to get off the phone because saying goodby sucks. Most nights we talk until I fall asleep or atleast half asleep exchange goodbyes just to do the same thing the next day. Keeping myself busy had been key. Only 9 more days...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Importance of Words

This song couldn't capture our story better.

So I guess this is where real life begins. I love feeling home again where I can go to the kitchen and grab a snack and not have to worry about the cafeteria being open because there is a fridge full of food in the room across the hall.But things aren't quite back to normal yet, Josh and I are still seperated by three states and one border but each night we are able to Skype which is much more enjoyable then reading emails each morning knowing that he won't get them until later that night and by then I have already fallen asleep.

I feel as if for those few hours that I get to talk to him and see his face each night that I am able to feel just a little closer to him. We get to see each other smile for the first time in almost a month, laugh together and I get to see the funny faces that he makes as he eats gummy snacks his mom brough back from a baby shower. For now though that is as good as it gets.

It's strange how much music can tell a story. I've never been bad with words, I'm and English major, but when it comes to expressing my feelings music has always been something that explains it better than I ever could. I don't usually express my emotions to others. The melody sets the mood, the lyrics tell a story and many times it's your own story. The sleepless nights, praying that we are together, wishing for something that you just can't have at that time. Distance really is one of the hardest things to ever come in between a relationship. When all you want are those few moments together, but that person is no longer a phone call away and can't just hope in the car.

This is the where the importance of words comes into play. When you aren't there to hold the person you love all that you can do is tell them that everything will be fine and that you love them. Our entire relationship is written down. Both of us have letters upon letters of starting at the beginning. I can't begin to explain how thankful we have both been to have these memories written down to look back on. Our feelings for each other haven't changed since day one our like started to grow from something small to something much bigger than both of us could have imagined. A little token to remind us of where we started.

Three words, I love you. These words written on a tiny sheet of green cardstock two years ago started a winding road leading us to now.